Author Archives: shindancer

Movie Going: Slumber Style.

So, when we went to The Castro for a special squee-inducing Labyrinth showing and Q & A with the original cast and crew, we were lucky enough that our friend Frederick Mead, actor, writer and part-time face painter,  was visiting from New Orleans and did our make-up.

We remind us of the babe... thief.

We remind us of the babe… thief.

When we went to see special Peaches Christ showing of 9 to 5, we decided to go a more traditional route by tying up and dragging a mustachioed woman through The Castro. We got more than just a little attention.

Oh Violet! Pay attention!

We didn’t have anyone to watch Mr. Hart, so we took him with us. I mean, you can’t just call the nanny service for something like that!

On Sunday, we’ll be going to see the 30th (WHA??!!) Anniversary showing of Purple Rain at The Balboa.  One of us already has her costume, but the rest of us need quick and easy costume ideas.

Have you purified yourself in Lake Minnetonka?

Have you purified yourself in Lake Minnetonka?

Of course, if I had more time, I’d add 14 crinoline layers to a blue dress, glue some glasses to a waitress tray, and walk around all night saying, “Apollonia?!” over and over and over. (Maybe Halloween?) Help us out! We need some quick and easy regal costume ideas. You know how important this movie is to us! If you don’t know, to give you an idea, this is my bio for this site:

I’m a freelance writer, comedian and slumber party movie fanatic. It all started when I was 14 and walked down to Strawberries and purchased a copy of the best movie that has ever been or will ever be, Purple Rain. …And it only cost me 75 bucks. After that, I made my friends swear that they would not make fun of Morris Day before I would allow them to view The Precious. I’m not sure why I was afraid my Morris would be the subject of ridicule…maybe because he wore a doo-rag with a zoot suit.

 

 

Our Best Movie Clip Post Ever.

The other night at Slumber Party Headquarters*, we sat down over a couple mock-mocktails to hash out a question that has been puzzling Slumber Party historians for eons. What is the absolute best scene from a slumber party movie ever? Lerlines, you know I fought for the Girl Group Rehearsal scene from Purple Rain. I fought for you, Morris! For the love of Burt Reynolds, I FOUGHT FOR YOU!

Sadly, I got shouted down and had mock fake booze thrown at me. … Mostly by Spiegelmama, who later admitted she wasn’t really paying attention and thought we were arguing about whether or not Duran Duran’s Andy Taylor should have been replaced with Gary Richrath back in ’91**. Despite the controversy, I think the clip we decided on is a solid, if slightly controversial, choice. What do you think? (You’ll really need to watch the clip all the way to the end to get what we mean.)

*Yes. It is a magical place filled with egg chairs and mountains of Jiffy Pop. Why?

**Why not? He wasn’t doing anything.

McConnelling Slumber Party Style.

Verbatim transcript of a recent imaginary conversation:

Jody: Can you make me some McConnelling videos, please?

Me: No. Sorry. I’ve told you I don’t do porn. … Anymore.

Jody: It’s not porn, it’s adding different music to McConnell’s campaign ad.

Me: Who is McConnell? Is he the geeky little brother in Making the Grade?

Jody: No. He’s a politician.

Me: Is he a much older, married boyfriend in St. Elmo’s Fire?

Jody: He’s a real person.

Me: A wha?

Jody: Never mind. Look. I have the flu. I feel like I’m dying. This will make me feel better. … Just do it.

Me: Fine, but only because you’ll be dead soon.

Jody: I said I feel like I’m dying…never mind. Here’s a list of songs.

Red Tiki: Hold up! Can you also do The Chauffeur?

Me: Maybe. If you’re lucky.

Me: Wait! What if I use an old Gilda Radner sketch. That would be funny right?

Goldblum Will Save The Internet

Me?

Me?

Jeff Goldblum will save The Internet AGAIN, starting with Facebook, which is currently eating itself. No, this is not another one of those “Facebook is going the way of MySpace and Friendster before them, and I for one will bow down to the cyber usurper who takes its place” blogs that have been published weekly and shared on Facebook for the past 8 years. This is TRUTH. (And, yes, I said AGAIN, but more on that later.)

Look at your Facebook feed. People are so afraid of being mocked in one of those “list of the 24 worst, most horrible people on Facebook who actually deserve to die when you really think about it” blog postings that are published bi-daily that they can’t share anything at all…except those blog postings. Blog postings that have nearly eliminated cat pictures, lunch check-ins, humblebrags, not-so humble brags, proof of procreation and Hello Tuesday! postings.

And really, what’s left? Political postings? Oh no. Remember when we all came out AGAINST that African child-murdering warlord only to find out 12 minutes later that it meant we were coming out in FAVOR of white hipsters who masturbate in public…probably in front of someone’s Auntie June? Remember? Well forget it. Now, It’s gotten so bad that you can’t even make fun of hipsters because apparently they are people. Even the ones who masturbate in front of Auntie Junes.

Is it any wonder that people have started playing What Character from Your favorite TV Show Are You quizzes like it’s 2008 all over again? Watch your news feed, it will soon feature a scathing, un-researched blog post accusing Grumpy Cat of being a pedophile. And those little girls in the Goldiblox videos? Yeah. They caused cancer. Killer kids and pedophile cats. That is the future of Facebook and The Internet. UNLESS….

Back in the late 90s, Spiegelmama hipped me to this cool website where you could send Goldblum-o-Grams to friends and family. We would send them to each other daily with messages like “Congratulations you’ve been Goldblumed!” or “That guy you brought home last night was ugly. Aim higher. Aim for Goldblum.” Or something like this:

What's for Breakfast? How about some Goldblum?

What’s for Breakfast? How about some Goldblum?

We noticed, soon after, that The Internet started doing pretty well for itself. Coincidence? Maybe, but recently, when Facebook seemed to be teetering on the edge of oblivion, something happened. People started sharing Goldblums. Sexy Goldblums, Serious Goldblums, Hot Goldblums, Cool Goldblums, Disco Goldblums…you name the Goldblum…it was shared, and it was glorious. Goldblum is a perfect entity. He can not be broken down. He is the element Goldblum. He will never masturbate in front of your Auntie June. He saved The Internet, he will save Facebook and possibly the world!

In the interest Saving the of World, Slumber Party Movies offers a fresh batch of Goldblums, ready for sharing. Please. Handle with care. Goldblum is flammable.

Candlelit Goldblum

Candlelit Goldblum

Not-littering Goldblum

Not-littering Goldblum

Decorated Goldblum
Decorated Goldblum
Shaved-alien Goldblum

Shaved-alien Goldblum

Unshaved Alien Goldblum

Unshaved Alien Goldblum

Cowboy Goldblum Part 1

Cowboy Goldblum Part 1

Cowboy Goldblum Part 2

Cowboy Goldblum Part 2

Bedoilied Goldblum

Bedoilied Goldblum

Talking About Space Goldblum

Talking About Space Goldblum

Pleased to be here, Conan Goldblum

Pleased to be here, Conan Goldblum

Telling a Driving Story Goldblum

Telling a Driving Story Goldblum

This Guy, Amirite, Andy? Goldblum

This Guy, Amirite, Andy? Goldblum

90s Goldblum Ties a Sweater around Goldblum's Flannel

90s Goldblum Ties a Sweater around Goldblum’s Flannel

Cigar Goldblum

Cigar Goldblum

No Cigar Goldblum

No Cigar Goldblum

Seeing a Dinosaur Goldblum

Seeing a Dinosaur Goldblum

Seeing Dinosaur Poop Goldblum

Seeing Dinosaur Poop Goldblum

Fucking with a T-Rex Goldblum

Fucking with a T-Rex Goldblum

Laughing on Helicopter with Bond Villain Goldblum

Laughing in a Helicopter with Bond Villain Goldblum

Piano Man Goldblum

Piano Man Goldblum

The Stranger Goldblum

The Stranger Goldblum

Pre-coital Goldblum (brunette)

Pre-coital Goldblum (brunette)

Pre-coital Goldblum (blonde)

Pre-coital Goldblum (blonde)

Goldblum mid-coitus

Mid-coital Goldblum

Post-coital Goldblum

Post-coital Goldblum

Post-coital Goldblum (self)

Post-coital Goldblum (self)

Pre-coital-Goldblum (Conan)

Pre-coital-Goldblum (Conan)

Mid-coital Goldblum (Conan)

Mid-coital Goldblum (Conan)

Goldblum post-coital (Conan)

Post-coital Goldblum (Conan)

Explaining why he had to shoot that spider Goldblum

Explaining why he had to shoot that spider Goldblum

Office Drone Goldblum

Office Drone Goldblum

Not the nerdy one Goldblum

Not the nerdy one Goldblum

The nerdy one Goldblum

The nerdy one Goldblum

Dipping Cyndi Lauper Goldblum

Dipping Cyndi Lauper Goldblum

Reluctantly talking on snake phone Goldblum

Reluctantly talking on snake phone Goldblum

Calling shotgun with Peter Falk Goldblum

Calling shotgun with Peter Falk Goldblum

Getting a hand Goldblum

Getting a hand Goldblum

Getting handsy Goldblum

Getting handsy Goldblum

Trying to act casual with bikini models Goldblum

Trying to act casual with bikini models Goldblum

Failing to act casual Goldblum

Failing to act casual Goldblum

Pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Goldblum points forward (glasses)

Goldblum points forward (glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (glasses)

Tugs front of pants while bending down Goldblum

Tugs front of pants while bending down Goldblum

Guess who's coming to dinner? Goldblum!

Guess who’s coming to dinner? Goldblum!

Passed out on your couch Goldblum

Passed out on your couch Goldblum

Goldblum has magic hair

Goldblum has magic hair

Because he is a Magic man!

Because he is a Magic man!

 

Got a Goldblum? Send it to us or tweet it to us @SlumberPartyMov with the hashtag #gotagoldblum

BTW, this can also be done with Geena Davis? Don’t believe me? Check out exhibits A and B:

Bang!

Bang!

BOOM!

BOOM!

Dissecting the Nerds Montage.

Lerlines, do you remember how I told you that at least once a day, someone stumbles upon this blog by typing “your mother’s old douchebag” into Google and then arriving upon the cleaning-the-house  montage from Revenge of the Nerds I put up on here to cheer Jody on while she was doing some work on her house? Well…it’s true, and I think some of them are actually looking for the Nerds montage. here. Here it is again: 

 

But not Tim Troiano, he’s different. He did not search for your mother’s old douchbag, or anyone’s old douchebag for that matter. Oh no Not Tim. He arrived on this very silly blog with the very serious intent of analyzing, in great detail for his very serious digital media blog, the montage itself. Check it out. It’s really quite fascinating. Fascinating that anyone could take a scene in Revenge of the Nerds more seriously than us.

Here’ s a sample of the data he compiled:

:14-:20 The nerdy guy from before in a medium long shot is too far from a pole but trying to paint it. His friend walks up and moves him closer so his paint brush is making contact with the house’s support. In this shot everybody is working including the robot. This is the most work we’ve seen done in a shot since the montages start meaning a lot of progress has been made on the house.

He never even mentions douchebags! The restraint is astounding. Seriously, thanks for stopping in,Tim. Let us know if we can help you with anything else. The psychological effects of the scene where Jeannie falls on the ice and can’t get up in Flashdance? A comparing and contrasting of Grease and Grease 2? Hidden  social-economic commentary in Clue? Anything at all, darling. You just let us know.

M8DBELI EC003

Congratulations and Best Wishes to Incredible Women, Lily and Jane.

When fantastic funny girl Lily Tomlin marries writing partner and genius responsible for the Incredible Shrinking Woman, Jane Wagner, we can think of only one way to say congrats!

Cheers!

Cheers!

This is truly newsworthy!
This is truly newsworthy!

To all the naysayers, we say, "Well of all the rudeness. Don't you have something to shop for? Some rat poison maybe?"

To all the naysayers (*cough* DOMA), we say, “Well of all the rudeness. Don’t you have something to shop for? Some rat poison maybe?”

 

If that was too subtle for you...

Or if that was too subtle for you…

 

Seriously, we're happier than Santa in a Nativity Scene for you two, and in closing would just like to say....

Seriously, we’re happier than Santa in a Nativity Scene for you two, and in closing would just like to say….

 

I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Because I'd slippey, slidey, slidey over everybody's heinie. Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap.

I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Because I’d slippey, slidey, slidey over everybody’s heinie. Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap.

 

 

 

 

The Mystery of Ph. D, Mtv, and the video for I Won’t Let You Down.

Back when I was 11, I had a bit of a crush on Jim Diamond, lead singer of the Mtv rising stars, Ph. D. What? So he’s a little weird looking? I like weird looking.

Totes hot, am I right? Please say yes.

Totes hot, am I right? Please say yes.

The problem with having a crush on Jim Diamond of PH. D.  was that by the time I was 11 and a half, Mtv stopped playing their video, and never played them again. What’s that you say? Teen Beat?! Ha! Teen Beat would never publish a picture of Jim Diamond. They were too busy finding new un-airbrushed* photos of Ralph Macchio. No. For a 12 year old girl in America in 1982, Ph. D. were as unattainable as wine coolers and earth-tones. 

Then, quite few years later, came YouTube. The first Ph. D. gem I dug up was Little Suzi’s on the Up. The video combines a sweet-as-candy story of a couple getting ready for a night of competitive ballroom dancing, with the competing and creepy stories of a stalker dance judge and a sassy saxophone player/ hairdresser obsessed with something that only looks like pickled eggs.

Despite the meat, motorcycles, and whatever the hell was in that jar, I only had vague memories of that video. The video that I vividly remember was for I won’t Let You Down. It also featured a bit of stalking, but it was by a cartoonish assassin who follows our intrepid hero as he begs forgiveness from his too-tall girlfriend.

Um…what the hell was that? It’s like what would happen if Roman Polanski’s inner psyche was caught on film. No. Wrong. Let me try that again.

HOLY CRAP! What am I looking at and why the hell am I looking at it? Why are they in a theater, and how many minutes do I have to look at it? Let’s try again.

Ah! That’s better.  And see? The cartoonish assassin didn’t really want to blow up Jim Diamond with a plant; he only wanted the girl–the cold, mean, dog-obsessed girl. But still…cute, right?

But it makes me wonder. What is the meaning of those other videos? Were they submitted to Mtv, only to be turned down? In the early ’80s? When Mtv was playing Steve Miller’s Abracadabra on heavy rotation? It makes no sense. But it does explain why Mtv stopped playing Ph. D. Maybe Diamond and company were so sick and tired of being turned down, they started acting really snippy. Here’s how I imagine it started:

Mark Goodman: Here in the studio, a band that is soaring up the charts never, I’m sure, to fall back to earth, Ph. D. Jim, how does it feel to be the latest Mtv darling?

Jim Diamond: Fuck you, Mark. Your head looks like pubes.

And then he dissed Martha Quinn, and that was the beginning of the end.

I’m just guessing, of course. Jim Diamond is still around, still making music, still kind of cute in a weird way, and icing on cake, makes music for disadvantaged children. 

I suppose I could just ask him, but I’m scared.

*Old Teen Beat photos are like a Comstock Lode of Proactive “before” pictures.