Our girl EG in all her fine-tuned, raspy glory.
If you expected the freaky-deaky celeb judges to turn their space-aged bordello chairs around, point, and yell “Dottie!” before her song was over, then EG Daily’s performance on The Voice approached John-and-Yoko-hosting-The-Mike-Douglas-Show levels of surrealism. Didn’t watch? Be prepared because If you are like us, and you’ve always been a fan of Miss Daily, it will freak your shit out to see how long it takes them to figure it out. You can skip to the three minute mark, or you can be lazy and read my interpretation. Full disclosure: I have never seen The Voice, but I’m sincerely sure that it is the finest chair-based talent show on television,
That’s right bitch!
Dottie! Come over here and sit on my lap.
Don’t sit on his lap. He looks like Elton John ate Michael Jackson.
That’s not even a lap. It’s a portal to Pepperland.
Hee hee! I’m a big sexy Blue Meanie.
Come sit on my lap. I’ve just had it re-carpeted. It smells like Vitalis and leather polish.
I’m going to go with the guy who doesn’t look like he just ate a submarine full of jovial English lads.
Are you talking about me? I didn’t eat that submarine, I just tossed it into the Sea of Green. By the way, is it just me, or do I look like a Sexy Muppet?
No, not a Muppet…. What do you call them things? They have them in the inner city. Dogs like to pee on them….
No. No..it’s shorter and harder than one of those.
A food truck?
I’m pretty sure it’s a fire hydrant.
Yes! A sexy fire hydrant! That’s what Cee-Lo looks like.
That’s why I’m going to sit on your lap, you sexy fire hydrant in a Thriller jacket!
Really? You want to sit on my lap? You know I just crushed small Japanese fishing village, right?
Not so fast, Dottie. Sh. Shhh! Don’t fight it. Just let the Vitalis do it’s work.
If you Lerlines were paying attention, you noticed two things. One, I may have gotten a few of the smaller details wrong, and two, EG did not even mention the role that made her a true Slumber Party Princess: Loryn from Valley Girl. Nice try, EG. Check her out rocking the zebra-print panty and camisole set that she didn’t want you to see.