Category Archives: John Hughes

Top Ten “Stop and Tell A Joke” Moments in Slumber Party Movie History

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. You’re watching a movie, and enjoying all the trappings that come with it–dialogue, characters, explosions, bared breasts, bras exploding off of bare breasts*.  Suddenly, everything comes to a screeching halt so that someone can tell a joke, and you just have to sit there, like a shnook, and wait for the punchline. Here are the best jokes from left field (or jflf).

10. Desperado. The Bar Bet.

This one doesn’t seem to belong on this list. It’s not really a SPM, and it doesn’t really fit the theme because I don’t think this joke was in the script. I just think that Tarantino wandered onto the set drunk and kept the footage because he liked the way his hair looked. But whatever. It’s a pretty funny joke.

9. What About Bob? I’m a Schizophrenic. 

This one has it all. Bill Murray enthralling a room of people, Richard Dreyfus pulling his hair out in a fit of rage, and a classically hilarious joke.

8. The Crow. Jesus Walks Into an Inn.

I’m braving any bad juju that might be coming my way, as well as the wrath of time-travelling 90s goths, by listing this one, and I’m scared. Scared bad. But I must. Not because this is such a great joke, but it’s how the joke is told.  Just watch.

7. Stripes. Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

I was going to disqualify this one for breaking the mold, but then I realized it needed to be included for that very same reason.

6. Pulp Fiction. Fox Force Five Joke.

How did Tarantino make this list twice? Look. This is a bad joke, and it’s about a very unsettling subject–the horrors of baby tomato abuse. But you know what? It fits the scene more perfectly than “hey, thanks for re-starting my heart” would have. (BTW: My two favorite things in this scene are Uma’s eyes and the weird lawn sculpture that appears to be judging them both and the joke.)

5. Good Will Hunting. The Long Form Boston Joke.

This is the reason I like this movie. Because Ben Affleck’s Chuckie is 100% spot on. See, when anyone who was born within a fifty mile radius of Boston tells a joke, they follow three rules. It has to be told like it is the truth, but happened to a friend or, even better, a cousin. It has to be unnecessarily long. It has to include a cat (preferably a dead one).  Chuckie’s story joke hit all three marks. (My long-form story joke included a dead dog, but it was a very small dog, so they let me stay in the state.)


In a pitch perfect Boston accent, Chuckie enthralls and annoys his friends with a long, drawn out story about how his cousin hits a cat with a car, chases the dying cat across the street, and puts the cat out of its misery. A large man asks why he is bashing his cat’s head in and Chuckie’s cousin explains the whole story and points at the hood of his car…which has a dead cat stuck to the grille. The punchline: Can you believe it? He brained an innocent cat.

4. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. You Know What Frosts My Ass?

Just in case we needed more proof that big boobs and adorable accents make everything, even bad jokes, better.


Dolly: You know what really frosts my ass?

Burt: No. What?

Dolly: An ice cube about this high. (Indicates Dolly-ass height.)

3. My Favorite Year. The Duck Joke.

This one makes the cut because of Jessica Harper’s charm, Benji’s reaction, just what an AWESOME movie My Favorite Year is, and the fact that the bad version of the joke is way funnier than the professionally told version. Take that, Stoneberg.


A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing a duck, and he says, “Can you help me because I have a duck on my head?”

2. History of the Word Part 1. Dying at the Palace. 

So this is technically a comedy routine, but it is a comedy routine full of jokes. Funny ones. Delivered by Mel Brooks. To Dom DeLuise. With Madeline Khan and Gregory Hines chuckling along. What else do you want?

The only thing we Romans don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation, but I hear that’s coming quickly. Ba dum bump.

1. Breakfast Club. Poodle Joke.

This is number one, and do you know why? Because of you, Lerlines. Because when I told you what this post was about, this joke sprung to mind, and if it didn’t it should have. It’s a naked lady with a poodle. Be warned. This joke does not have a punchline. Deal with it.

*This only applies for the brasploition epic, Zapped!


Tuesday Tribute: Best Drinking Scene in a Teen Comedy

This scene from John Hughes’ Weird Science deserves a tribute for its epic greatness, but also because, since Gary’s pimp character would not pass modern PC standards, a scene like this would not be made today. So it’s not PC…does that mean that it can’t be EPIC? I don’t think so. Let’s remember one thing–Lisa is magic. She has magic powers. She uses them to outfit herself, Wyatt and Gary in the finest prom wear that the 80s had to offer, but instead of using those magic powers to go on a Ferris-Buelleresque tippy-tappy champagne and foie gras tour of only the cuntiest penthouses in the Chicago skyline, Lisa conjures up pink Cadillac so they can cruise to the South Side and drink Blind-Dog Bourbon at a blues bar straight out of a Jim Croce song. Privileged white boys? In the South Side of Chicago? Hilarity surely will ensue, right? Right. But it mostly comes from the common ground that Gary finds with the malakas at The Kandy Bar. And maybe that was what Lisa was trying to teach Gary. He wasn’t the first one to go crazy for a big set of titties. He wasn’t the only guy in the world to get kneed in the family jewels. It was not just him and Wyatt against the slushie-throwing (no, Glee did not invent that) Robert Downeys of the world. He was not alone. And perhaps that was Lisa’s magic. Or perhaps it’s just a funny scene in a funny movie. Either way, enjoy.

Extra Credit: Is it possible that the Kids in the Hall sketch “Mississippi Gary” was not based on Mississippi Fred McDowell, as previously thought, but on Gary’s un-PC pimp character? Discuss.

The Vagina Train. Or Sexual Segregation in John Hughes movies.

Yeah…why isn’t it He’s Having a Baby, huh? Just kidding…I know why men can’t get pregnant. This isn’t a post about Rabbit Test (but when I do write one, it will be mostly about the fact that it was directed by Joan Rivers…or maybe about how Miss River’s shtick was stolen by Junior.) But there is a bizarrely not-so feminist a scene in 1988’s She’s Having a Baby (you know…the “What? John’s Hughes Directed that movie?” John Hughes movie).

I’m not saying John Hughes isn’t a feminist, (or that Kevin Bacon isn’t a feminist…if that’s what you’re thinking), but I get the idea that, when making this movie, Hughes was imagining a world where men worked, and women worked too…but they did it in a different way. And in a different place. See, there’s a scene where momentarily happy wife Elizabeth McGovern drops off her angst-hiding husband off at the train station with a great big soul kiss. 



And then, freshly Frenched, he gets on a train that looks like this:



I was so freaked out by the all the smoking (and whatever those big papery iPads are), that I didn’t really notice the odd lack of vagina on that train car…at first. But in the next scene, when we discover that Elizabeth McGovern is “quite the little career gal”. (Possibly a direct quote from Mrs. Poole.)  I thought, “What the heck? So…which train did our career gal take to work? The V limited? The Boobs Express?”

For a moment, I thought, maybe that was how it was in the 80s–with all the boys on one train and all the girls on another.  But it wasn’t. I mean, this movie came out the same year as Working Girl. Yes, feminists, I know the title of that movie is sexist because they don’t call men “working boys”, or even “career guys”, they just call them “men”, and also because Working Girl means prostitute in just about every language on earth, but at least Melanie Griffith and Sigourney Weaver didn’t have to ride a separate, smokey train to work. Melanie took the ferry…with everyone else.




Oh…and Sigourney took a helicopter. I don’t think she let any guys ride on it.