Category Archives: Videos

Tuesday Tribute: Madeline Kahn, #4 of 1,682

I feel Lili von Shtupp’s pain in this one. If I’d tried to be a stripper, this is the best I could possibly have hoped for. Absolute genius from Blazing Saddles (1974).

Let’s Watch the Super Bowl!

Super Bowl. Love it, hate it or don’t know what the heck it is. One thing is for sure. We all have to watch it. We don’t have a choice about that, but we can choose how we watch it. Here are a few suggestions. Choose wisely. Some of these might get you arrested or featured on a television show hosted by Chris Hanson.

Trapped by “Trapped in the Closet”

Does R. Kelly’s epic “Trapped in the Closet” series count as a slumber party movie? I think it does, when IFC runs them all in a row. So I’ll share my Storified live tweet:

Trapped, Part 3: The live tweetfest · Storify.

My favorite character is Pimp Lucius, for reasons both outlined in the Storify and demonstrated in this video.

Somebody grab Lucille and turn her ass around, would you?

Workin’ 9 to 5

Good morning, and happy Monday! May your job be not quite as horrible as Dolly’s. There’s a better life – you read about, don’t you?

Friday Morning Videos: “Bad Boys” by Wham!

In which George Michael has worried parents, wears leather, dances with other leather-clad boys in an alley, and looks disinterested in a skanky woman. How did no one know?

You Can’t Get Depressed with a Name Like Bif

Oh, THIS TV, how I love you. I also love ION, but I especially love THIS TV. It’s like TBS for the great uncabled. Last night, I landed on “Vice Versa,” but despite it being an adorable reminder of Judge Reinhold’s cuteness, I decided to forego it for “Master Chef.” We switched back after they ditched the guy with the worst apple pie, and to my ever-loving gobsmacked eyes, “Making the Grade” came on.

The 80s produced many prep school movies, and like all teen subgenres, had a few wins (“Class” being the best of the best) and  lots more flops (“Up the Academy” being the one I remember best; when an 8-year-old knows a movie isn’t funny, it isn’t funny.). Phoebe Cates, of course, starred in roughly half of them, and had sex “From Here to Eternity”-style in “Private School,” sometime after the the aerobics class and topless horseback ride. but in the Rocket house, the very, very favorite, was always “Making the Grade.”

I was worried about watching it; I’ve been disappointed in my adulthood many times by movies I found hilarious in the 80s. (Bachelor Party, I’m looking at you.) The most disappointing thing about re-watching “Making the Grade” was that they left half of it on THIS TV’s floor: most notably, the scene in which Rand (the playboy’s sidekick) teaches street kid Eddie how to dress preppy. I was appalled: the entire point of the movie is to teach us kids how to dress preppy, especially since we didn’t get The Preppy Handbook way down in Greene County. And they cut THIS scene?

Best line: “Socks: Wear them only to weddings, and then, only to your own.” As a kid in the sticks, I was shocked that preppies were not neat and tidy, that they wore clothes too big, shoes too small, and pants too high. OK, I knew about the pants part.

Then there’s the bit part played by Andrew Dice Clay, with his Stayin’ Alive scene; Jonna Lee, who played the drums in Lovelines (another post) and has a spectacular rack, mostly because they’re real. Mr. Carlson plays the headmaster of the school, every guy wears pink, and Dennis Blunden plays the seniors’ “floor model” for demonstrating proper behavior to “smacks.” Also, Judd Nelson says “BREAK DAAAANCE” and then proceeds to do that, in a series of distant shots and closeups of his face.

NOTE: Less enjoyable are the two black characters: one as Palmer’s housekeeper, and the other as Tracy’s footman. No lie. He’s a footman. And the word “massuh” is only slightly silent.

But the real reason to watch “Making the Grade” is Dana Olsen as the real Palmer Woodrow III. I can only assume that he was actually playing himself, because no other reason for his performance makes sense, considering that he never made any other movies. I can’t find the best part–when he gets drunk and returns to the prep school–so you’ll have to TiVO it and forward to the best parts. Just look for the drunk guy shooting wine into Dan Schneider’s mouth from a bota bag.

Factoid: he also co-wrote “The ‘Burbs.” Which, unlike “Bachelor Party,” gets funnier every time I watch it.

And here: make your own meme.

Five Inappropriate Children’s Songs

We were children of the 80s. We had cable, and we had VCRs, and we had parents who really didn’t give a fuck sometimes. And so we learned these songs young, and sometime later–maybe in college, when thinking about things that happened 10 years ago was suddenly cool, but before anyone called it retro?–we actually listened to the songs and couldn’t believe our parents let us listen.

Now that we have children, of course, we laugh and laugh when they think “a spoon up your nose” is a funny joke, instead of an actual spoon.

Billy Joel’s “Big Shot”

I was absolutely flabbergasted when I first moved to New York and realized Elaine’s was an actual place.

Lil Sheridan’s “Dangerously”

I still know the whole dance. I performed it for my toddler when we watched this back at Christmas. She clapped and said “Mommy’s dancing!” and my husband wondered if the material was appropriate.

“Summer Lovin'”

When John Travolta talks about bowling at 1:43, the hand gesture he makes is totally not about bowling. It still makes me kegel.

Appolonia’s “Sex Shooter”

I wasn’t allowed to watch Purple Rain when it first came out–one of the only restricted movies, mostly due to the car accident my mom nearly had the first time “Erotic City” penetrated her radio. So this one’s for Melinda and Karen, who still dream of the day when they can get the band back together and perform it live onstage. Preferably with Morris Day in the audience.

“Greased Lightning”

We knew he said bad words like “tit” and “shit,” but my parents loved it so much that we listened to the album until it looked like a cat had attacked it. What I didn’t hear were the choice phrases “get off my rocks” and “pussywagon.” Additionally: if someone understands the Saran Wrap, please explain.

Oh…about that Big Boogie.

This is the scene in the movie, Roller Boogie, where Linda Blair and a mop on a pair of skates compete in something called a Big Boogie. This clip is too bizarre and scary for the human brain to properly process, so I added narration to make it easier to understand. If your eyes start to bleed, just close them…and listen. (If your ears start to bleed it’s because I totally messed up the audio…I’ll fix that for the next one.)