Tag Archives: johnny dangerously

Tuesday Tribute: Joe Piscopo. Yeah. I said it, and I meant it.

Brad's double thumbs-up has been photo-shopped out of this shot.

Brad’s double thumbs-up has been photo-shopped out of this shot.

Oh holy mother of baby Julius Christ! LL Cool J and Brad Paisley have teamed up together to record a song. That’s right. Ladies Love Cool James and Brad “I Want to Check You For Ticks” Paisley…together…at last? Wait. Come back! It gets better. The song is called Accidental Racist. Stop! No. Don’t look it up. Don’t watch it. Here. Watch that Ticks song instead, it’ll make your ears bleed a little less.

If you must, Rembert Browne discussed the song on Grantland, and his description is vivid enough for anyone with even a modicum of hope for the human race. He has done a great service for all of us–especially when he noted that it was basically a redux of the SNL sketch where Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo sent up Ebony and Ivory. Why not just watch either one of those videos? You can’t lose.

Full Disclosure: I was a huge Paul McCartney fan and still remember sitting on the edge of my grandmother’s bed, watching the World Premiere of this video on Mtv (when that was still a thing). I have watched it twice, non-ironically,  while  writing this post, and found that it still holds up, especially the clapping and hand-shaking part. It’s all  better than the Accidental Rasict video that was released last week and has already been removed from Youtube. Hopefully, the Interweb has been salted so that it may never grow back again.

I am also a fan of Joe Piscopo. What? You heard that Joe Piscopo isn’t funny? Who the eff told you that? Seriously. I want names. Was it Topher? Jules? Ben? Some 20 year old hipster who thinks Dave Chapelle is old school? F@#k those guys. Oh…it was this:

Well…yeah. But he didn’t know about Youtube then. Cut him some slack. You know what? F*#k that. He loves his blonde wife, and he likes to sing bad rock ballads about it. So what? Is that a crime. Screw that! Even if it is, Joe Freaking Piscopo put on one of the best comedic performances in Slumber Party history as Danny Vermin in Johnny Dangerously. How good is it? He’s in a movie where everyone in the cast is in an all-out, on-camera brawl to get the most laughs, and our Joe not only holds his own,  he steals it. Seriously. Did you see the movie? Even the skipper from Gilligan’s Island shows up mid-movie to try to step on everyone’s thunder. What’s up Skip? Don’t you have a boat to crash, you bald, Giligan-smacking bitch?

Don’t believe me? Here is a video of Joe stealing the trailer…by force. Once.

Five Inappropriate Children’s Songs

We were children of the 80s. We had cable, and we had VCRs, and we had parents who really didn’t give a fuck sometimes. And so we learned these songs young, and sometime later–maybe in college, when thinking about things that happened 10 years ago was suddenly cool, but before anyone called it retro?–we actually listened to the songs and couldn’t believe our parents let us listen.

Now that we have children, of course, we laugh and laugh when they think “a spoon up your nose” is a funny joke, instead of an actual spoon.

Billy Joel’s “Big Shot”

I was absolutely flabbergasted when I first moved to New York and realized Elaine’s was an actual place.

Lil Sheridan’s “Dangerously”

I still know the whole dance. I performed it for my toddler when we watched this back at Christmas. She clapped and said “Mommy’s dancing!” and my husband wondered if the material was appropriate.

“Summer Lovin'”

When John Travolta talks about bowling at 1:43, the hand gesture he makes is totally not about bowling. It still makes me kegel.

Appolonia’s “Sex Shooter”

I wasn’t allowed to watch Purple Rain when it first came out–one of the only restricted movies, mostly due to the car accident my mom nearly had the first time “Erotic City” penetrated her radio. So this one’s for Melinda and Karen, who still dream of the day when they can get the band back together and perform it live onstage. Preferably with Morris Day in the audience.

“Greased Lightning”

We knew he said bad words like “tit” and “shit,” but my parents loved it so much that we listened to the album until it looked like a cat had attacked it. What I didn’t hear were the choice phrases “get off my rocks” and “pussywagon.” Additionally: if someone understands the Saran Wrap, please explain.