This is a public service to parents considering letting their kids watch Grease. No. Don’t worry about Rizzo’s pregnancy scare. Your kid isn’t going to understand 60s slang terms like “defective typewriter”, “PG” and “peachy keen jelly bean” so just chill about that, will you? Also, mellow out about Greased Lightning. Sing the lyrics loudly if you want. Let’s be real, it’s no worse than Milkshake or The Whistle Song. Besides, if it’s on basic cable, they’ll edit all the dirty parts…except for “get off my rocks”. I don’t know how that slipped past the censors. Maybe they thought Zuch and the boys planned on taking Greased Lightning out off-roading in the Bad Lands.
Don’t worry about any of that crap…until the end. Just stop the whole thing right after the big race. Just let your kid think that Sandy ends up with white Lorenzo Lamas* and Danny ends up with drag-queen Rita Moreno. It’ll be better than letting it roll to the final scene. And no, not because the final message is “The chain-smoking whore gets the guy”. Your kid will need to find that out eventually. I’m talking about the carnival…complete with old school rides like the Tilt-a-Whirl, the Ferris Wheel, The Whip-a-Lash…or whatever. I let my seven year-old daughter watch it three weeks ago, and every single day, she begs me to enroll her in a High School with an Amusement Park. She’s not letting it go. Where am I going to find one of those in San Francisco? LA maybe…but San Francisco?
I guess I should just be thankful that she hasn’t asked me for a flying car…yet.
* You know that Sandy’s blonde jocky boyfriend was played by Lorenzo, right? Because we covered this.