Category Archives: Miscellany

Goldblum Will Save The Internet

Posted on February 19, 2014 by shindancer | 4 comments

Me?

Jeff Goldblum will save The Internet AGAIN, starting with Facebook, which is currently eating itself. No, this is not another one of those “Facebook is going the way of MySpace and Friendster before them, and I for one will bow down to the cyber usurper who takes its place” blogs that have been published weekly and shared on Facebook for the past 8 years. This is TRUTH. (And, yes, I said AGAIN, but more on that later.)

Look at your Facebook feed. People are so afraid of being mocked in one of those “list of the 24 worst, most horrible people on Facebook who actually deserve to die when you really think about it” blog postings that are published bi-daily that they can’t share anything at all…except those blog postings. Blog postings that have nearly eliminated cat pictures, lunch check-ins, humblebrags, not-so humble brags, proof of procreation and Hello Tuesday! postings.

And really, what’s left? Political postings? Oh no. Remember when we all came out AGAINST that African child-murdering warlord only to find out 12 minutes later that it meant we were coming out in FAVOR of white hipsters who masturbate in public…probably in front of someone’s Auntie June? Remember? Well forget it. Now, It’s gotten so bad that you can’t even make fun of hipsters because apparently they are people. Even the ones who masturbate in front of Auntie Junes.

Is it any wonder that people have started playing What Character from Your favorite TV Show Are You quizzes like it’s 2008 all over again? Watch your news feed, it will soon feature a scathing, un-researched blog post accusing Grumpy Cat of being a pedophile. And those little girls in the Goldiblox videos? Yeah. They caused cancer. Killer kids and pedophile cats. That is the future of Facebook and The Internet. UNLESS….

Back in the late 90s, Spiegelmama hipped me to this cool website where you could send Goldblum-o-Grams to friends and family. We would send them to each other daily with messages like “Congratulations you’ve been Goldblumed!” or “That guy you brought home last night was ugly. Aim higher. Aim for Goldblum.” Or something like this:

What’s for Breakfast? How about some Goldblum?

We noticed, soon after, that The Internet started doing pretty well for itself. Coincidence? Maybe, but recently, when Facebook seemed to be teetering on the edge of oblivion, something happened. People started sharing Goldblums. Sexy Goldblums, Serious Goldblums, Hot Goldblums, Cool Goldblums, Disco Goldblums…you name the Goldblum…it was shared, and it was glorious. Goldblum is a perfect entity. He can not be broken down. He is the element Goldblum. He will never masturbate in front of your Auntie June. He saved The Internet, he will save Facebook and possibly the world!

In the interest Saving the of World, Slumber Party Movies offers a fresh batch of Goldblums, ready for sharing. Please. Handle with care. Goldblum is flammable.

Candlelit Goldblum

Not-littering Goldblum

: Decorated Goldblum

Shaved-alien Goldblum

Unshaved Alien Goldblum

Cowboy Goldblum Part 1

Cowboy Goldblum Part 2

Bedoilied Goldblum

Talking About Space Goldblum

Pleased to be here, Conan Goldblum

Telling a Driving Story Goldblum

This Guy, Amirite, Andy? Goldblum

90s Goldblum Ties a Sweater around Goldblum’s Flannel

Cigar Goldblum

No Cigar Goldblum

Seeing a Dinosaur Goldblum

Seeing Dinosaur Poop Goldblum

Fucking with a T-Rex Goldblum

Laughing on Helicopter with Bond Villain Goldblum

Laughing in a Helicopter with Bond Villain Goldblum

Piano Man Goldblum

The Stranger Goldblum

Pre-coital Goldblum (brunette)

Pre-coital Goldblum (blonde)

Mid-coital Goldblum

Post-coital Goldblum

Post-coital Goldblum (self)

Pre-coital-Goldblum (Conan)

Mid-coital Goldblum (Conan)

Post-coital Goldblum (Conan)

Explaining why he had to shoot that spider Goldblum

Office Drone Goldblum

Not the nerdy one Goldblum

The nerdy one Goldblum

Dipping Cyndi Lauper Goldblum

Reluctantly talking on snake phone Goldblum

Calling shotgun with Peter Falk Goldblum

Getting a hand Goldblum

Getting handsy Goldblum

Trying to act casual with bikini models Goldblum

Failing to act casual Goldblum

Pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (no glasses)

Goldblum points forward (glasses)

Looking to the right and pointing forward Goldblum (glasses)

Tugs front of pants while bending down Goldblum

Guess who’s coming to dinner? Goldblum!

Passed out on your couch Goldblum

Goldblum has magic hair

Because he is a Magic man!

Got a Goldblum? Send it to us or tweet it to us @SlumberPartyMov with the hashtag #gotagoldblum

BTW, this can also be done with Geena Davis? Don’t believe me? Check out exhibits A and B:

Bang!

BOOM!

4 Comments

Posted in Miscellany

Congratulations and Best Wishes to Incredible Women, Lily and Jane.

Posted on January 15, 2014 by shindancer | 1 comment

When fantastic funny girl Lily Tomlin marries writing partner and genius responsible for the Incredible Shrinking Woman, Jane Wagner, we can think of only one way to say congrats!

Cheers!

: This is truly newsworthy!

To all the naysayers, we say, "Well of all the rudeness. Don't you have something to shop for? Some rat poison maybe?"

To all the naysayers (*cough* DOMA), we say, “Well of all the rudeness. Don’t you have something to shop for? Some rat poison maybe?”

Or if that was too subtle for you…

Seriously, we’re happier than Santa in a Nativity Scene for you two, and in closing would just like to say….

I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap. Bar of soap! Because I’d slippey, slidey, slidey over everybody’s heinie. Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap.

1 Comment

Posted in Miscellany

EG Daily Chooses a Lap on The Voice.

Posted on October 17, 2013 by shindancer | 4 comments

Our girl EG in all her fine-tuned, raspy glory.

If you expected the freaky-deaky celeb judges to turn their space-aged bordello chairs around, point, and yell “Dottie!” before her song was over, then EG Daily’s performance on The Voice approached John-and-Yoko-hosting-The-Mike-Douglas-Show levels of surrealism. Didn’t watch? Be prepared because If you are like us, and you’ve always been a fan of Miss Daily, it will freak your shit out to see how long it takes them to figure it out. You can skip to the three minute mark, or you can be lazy and read my interpretation. Full disclosure: I have never seen The Voice, but I’m sincerely sure that it is the finest chair-based talent show on television,

DOTTIE!

That’s right bitch!

Michael Jackson Jacket Head Tat says, "huh?"

Dottie! Come over here and sit on my lap.

Don’t sit on his lap. He looks like Elton John ate Michael Jackson.

That’s not even a lap. It’s a portal to Pepperland.

Hee hee! I’m a big sexy Blue Meanie.

Come sit on my lap. I’ve just had it re-carpeted. It smells like Vitalis and leather polish.

I'm going to go with the guy who doesn't look like he just ate a submarine full of mod rockers.

I’m going to go with the guy who doesn’t look like he just ate a submarine full of jovial English lads.

Are you talking about me? I didn't eat that submarine, I just tossed it into the Sea of Sexy Muppets. ...Is anyone else on ludes right now?

Are you talking about me? I didn’t eat that submarine, I just tossed it into the Sea of Green. By the way, is it just me, or do I look like a Sexy Muppet?

No, not a Muppet…. What do you call them things? They have them in the inner city. Dogs like to pee on them….

A child?

No. No..it’s shorter and harder than one of those.

A food truck?

I’m pretty sure it’s a fire hydrant.

Yes! A sexy fire hydrant! That’s what Cee-Lo looks like.

That’s why I’m going to sit on your lap, you sexy fire hydrant in a Thriller jacket!

Really? You know I just crushed small Japanese fishing village, right?

Really? You want to sit on my lap? You know I just crushed small Japanese fishing village, right?

Not so fast, Missy. Sh. Shhh! Don't fight it. Just let the Vitalis do it's work.

Not so fast, Dottie. Sh. Shhh! Don’t fight it. Just let the Vitalis do it’s work.

If you Lerlines were paying attention, you noticed two things. One, I may have gotten a few of the smaller details wrong, and two, EG did not even mention the role that made her a true Slumber Party Princess: Loryn from Valley Girl. Nice try, EG. Check her out rocking the zebra-print panty and camisole set that she didn’t want you to see.

4 Comments

Posted in Miscellany

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful filibuster.

Posted on July 1, 2013 by shindancer | 1 comment

When Wendy Davis took a preparatory pee (I’m assuming and probably right) and slipped on her comfy shoes so she could stand for the women of Texas, for 13 mother-humping hours, it brought a tear (or two or three) to my eye. But there was something ab…OKAY! Fine. I admit it. I cried like I was watching the end of Benji or Savannah Smiles. Happy now?

Why as a matter of fact, no, Senator Dickhead, I do not need to pee. I have not even begun to hold my urine.

Where was I? Oh yes. It reminded me of something. A slumber party movie? That scene in 9 to 5 when the ladies get away with kidnapping their boss while inventing the concept of on-site day care? No. It was an older movie. A classic. That scene in It’s a Wonderful Life where the townspeople give George the cash his drunk uncle (or, as he would be known today, drunkle) lost? Nope. It was this scene:

See? In this case, the Texas republicans are the nazis and Wendy Davis is Victor Laszlo. (Only instead of 13 hours, it took about a minute). Vive l’Austin!

1 Comment

Posted in Miscellany

Fringed White Leather. Who Wore it Best?

Posted on May 27, 2013 by shindancer | 3 comments

When I posted about Cindy Mancini’s fringed suede outfit that the plot of Can’t Buy Me Love turned on, I was remiss in not mentioning that Sloane Peterson also wore white fringe dead cow skin in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But who wore it best? I think that all that fringe, combined with the matching tube top, makes Cindy look like a hooker with a law degree*. Sloane, on the other hand, looks like she rolled a roadie from The Steve Miller Band before getting dressed that morning.

I can’t decide. What do you think, Lerlines?

* You know I’m working on my pitch for Cinnamon’s Justice as we speak. The tag line is going to be “Hey baby, wanna lawyer?”

3 Comments

Posted in Fashion Victims and Victors, Miscellany

Tagged Can't Buy Me Love, Sloane Peterson, white fringed leather

Get Well, Tim Curry! We need you.

Posted on May 24, 2013 by shindancer | 2 comments

No need for eyeliner.

Lerlines! Tim Curry has had a stroke. Apparently, he’s doing just fine, but OH! What a shock! We need our Tim Curries hale, robust, vibrant and as healthy as possible. Here…watch him play the delightfully prim Dr. Pool in Oscar, another movie in which he did what he does best–stealing every scene he’s in.

2 Comments

Posted in Miscellany, Tribute

Tagged tim curry

Friday Morning Videos: Club Tropicana

Posted on May 3, 2013 by Jody | 3 comments

SlumberPartyMovies recently had an opportunity to interview George Michael about his epic video, Club Tropicana, which has always puzzled me on a few counts.

SPM: Great to meet you, George! Long time-listener, first-time interviewer. Let’s jump right in: Why weren’t the credits in the Wham! The Hits VHS version?

GM: Look at two beautiful women in matching slouchy shirts clip-clop along a darkened path and forget your question.

SPM: Who the fuck is this guy?

GM: Look at me posing with a white wine spritzer and forget your question.

SPM: Where is the place where membership’s a smiling face, where strangers take you by the hand and welcome you to wonderland?

GM: Beneath the Panama.

SPM: Wait, like south of the Panama, or underground, or what?

GM: No, sorry. I meant they welcome you from beneath their panamas. Like hats.

SPM: Oh, so where is it? Acapulco? It must be Acapulco, right?

GM: Look into my eyes and forget your question.

SPM: Who the fuck is this guy?

A: Look at me showering and forget your question.

SPM: Why is it that all that’s missing is the sea, when you’re clearly sitting on the beach in this scene? And you talk about soft white sands and blue lagoons?

A: Look at me showering and forget your question.

SPM: Why is Andrew Ridgeley wearing long jams, and you’re in a white speedo?

GM: I am Greek and he is not.

SPM: That’s fair. But his hair is clearly better than yours.

GM: Look at these women’s crotches and forget you ever thought that.

SPM: Who the fuck is this guy?

GM: Look at us me angry in a cowboy hat and forget your question.

SPM: Do the girls stop and pick you up or leave you stranded?

GM: Look at me shaving naked and forget your question.

SPM: OK, so you’re pilots and they’re flight attendants? Why did you act like you didn’t know each other? Or were just surprised that they’re really hot in bikinis? Do you know each other or not? And are you on furlough or something, which is why you’re a pilot and permitted to drink all day and bake in the sun for a week? and honestly, I know it’s the 80s, but it’s a little sexist that you guys get to be pilots and they’re attendants.

GM: Look at Andrew showering and forget your question.

SPM: Forget my question? That’s a weird thing to say! No!

GM: Then look deeply into my eyes and forget your question.

SPM: Where are you going on those donkeys?

GM: Look at us shirtless, playing the trumpet, and forget your question.

SPM: Forget my question? That’s a weird thing to say! No!

GM: Look at us in pilot uniforms and forget your question.

SPM: Wow! Looks like that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks, George! You’re a true SlumberPartyMovie god.

GM: I know.

3 Comments

Posted in Friday Morning Videos, Miscellany

Tagged club tropicana, friday morning videos, george michael, wham

How did I miss this? Shag

Posted on April 28, 2013 by spiegelmama | 13 comments

So my husband is watching this movie with Phoebe Cates and Bridget Fonda, and OK, I get sucked in: It’s a period piece titled Shag (1989), co-written by SNL’s Terry Sweeney, so one’s expectations are extra-low.

It’s actually a cute movie so far, although I might have to write later about the rapeyness, but I want to point something out. The girl in the video with the sleeveless high-necked top and the yellow clamdiggers? She’s the fat girl. Her character name is actually Pudge.

That embarrassing tub of lard is Annabeth Gish. She’s not even 1980s movie fat. WTF, Zelda Barron.

13 Comments

Posted in Miscellany

Tagged body image, dance, date rape, feminism, shag

I Love Sororities.

Posted on April 22, 2013 by Jody | 1 comment

In the wake of “The Rape of Betty Childs” last week, and also due to an appointment with the dentist, I never got around to posting a Friday Morning Video. But I’m glad I waited, because this is so, so much better.

Why am I posting it here? Because, Lerlines, where would Betty Childs have been without the Pis? Where would Bluto be without topless pillow fights?

WordPress is being annoying, so you’ll have to click through the image to FunnyorDie.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

Recently, one of the fine sisters of Delta Gamma (U Maryland) took her sisters to task for being a bit more loserly than she appreciated. I’m not sure what her role is in the house; I’m guessing she’s in charge of social events, or possibly rush; she’s most definitely not a freshman or sophomore, I know that. In any case, displeased with the public personas of her fellow DGs, she composed a brilliant diatribe on just how disappointed she is in her sisters, and how they’d pretty much better get into shape, lest she get really angry and, say, cunt-punt them.

People have read the letter and called it “insane” and “deranged”; I think it’s brilliant. Despite a stuck caps lock, her grammar is surprisingly good, and she’s a terrific monologue writer. (Tip: use this at your next audition. You won’t be sorry.) Michael Shannon brings it to a David Mametesque level, which usually, to me, means something like “Good god, shut the fuck up and stop repeating yourself,” but in the context of Glengarry Delta Gamma, is an eloquent pouring-forth of profanity bordering on true beauty. It’s a glistening waterfall of verbal daggers.

I’m in agreement with the rest of the internet that “cunt-punt” is most certainly the best phrase, and here’s why: it’s not just the rhyming, or the visual; it’s that it’s not using “cunt” as a derogatory term. Instead, it’s expressing a very specific act of violence AGAINST the cunt. It’s “kick him where it hurts,” only it’s her, and it rhymes.

Then there’s the part where she issues a number of invitations to her sisters, such as asking them to email her back and let her know of their level of mental retardation, and also punch themselves in the face so she doesn’t have to do it for them.

Here’s what I love the most about the letter, though: I KNOW HER. OK, well, I don’t know DG Rebecca. But there was a junior my freshman year, and we’ll call her Mary Jane, who so terrified me that I’m STILL afraid of her. Mary Jane is a wonderful person, by all accounts: she volunteered for Special Olympics as a hugger, for instance, and I loved most of my sisters well enough to know that if they loved her, that she must have a sweet chocolatey center, unlike Rebecca, who may actually be as horrible as one imagines shrill sorority sisters to be. But Mary Jane suffered no fools. NONE. And man, did she have a mouth.

You see, the true secret of Greek life is this: no way will 60 women all like each other equally. It’s just not emotionally possible. After living with someone for a few years, you forge your close bonds, and your less-close bonds, and one or two, you might even just not get at all. For the record, no, I did not dislike any of my sorority sisters, but some of them–well, we just didn’t get each other.

Of course, not even Mary Jane ever threatened physical violence, but that was 15 years ago, before all those violent video games made everyone crazy.

But when it comes down to it, you’re all in it together, you share the same rituals and handshake–yes! Rituals! Handshakes!– and I know that if I’d been at a party, and someone had done something untoward to me in Mary Jane’s presence, they’d have received a tongue-lashing that would have terrified even DG Rebecca into submission. Why? Because I was Mary Jane’s sister, goddamnit, and she’d fucking cunt-punt any boot-licking asswipe who’d ever disrespect me, even if I was some pledge whose name she couldn’t quite remember. It’s a family; the name “sister” is not an accident.

I hope nationals doesn’t come down too hard on DG Rebecca. Despite using extremely poor judgment in scribing an email (seriously, why couldn’t she scream at them in chapter?), being generally racist and unapologetically privileged, she probably has the group’s best interests at heart. Given a chance, she’ll be the fucking president of the goddamn national alumnae association someday, and do NOT fucking think she will accept that you assholes think you’re not going to donate. Delta Gamma gave you the four most fun years of your entire sorry existence, so fucking pay up and stop putting us off in your whiny little bitch voice.

Either that, or Rebecca: bone up on your screenwriting skills and go to Hollywood. You have a future there.

Suck on that, David Mamet.

** She also mentions Sigma Nu, specifically, and how the DGs would be unhappy if they invited Zeta over. Speaking as a Zeta (Bethany College, ’97) who regularly enjoyed the company of the Sigma Nus: thanks for the callout. It’s appreciated.

1 Comment

Posted in Friday Morning Videos, Life at The Slumber Party, Meme, Miscellany

Tagged delta gamma sorority, michael shannon, rebecca, university of maryland

Video

Annette Funicello…Gone to That Beach Blanket in the Sky

Any Slumber Party that ever featured teens partying, singing for no reason, a bizarre joke that seemed to come out of left field (ahem Better Off Dead) or a cameo by an older comedian owes a debt to The Beach Movies of the 60s. Any spunky actress, brunette or otherwise, owes a debt to Annette Funicello for paving the way. Oh…and those other Italian Americans running around the beach these days? They’ve got nothing to do with her. Aloha, Annette. We always knew who the real Big Kahuna was.

Category Archives: Miscellany

Goldblum Will Save The Internet

Congratulations and Best Wishes to Incredible Women, Lily and Jane.

EG Daily Chooses a Lap on The Voice.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful filibuster.

Fringed White Leather. Who Wore it Best?

Get Well, Tim Curry! We need you.

Friday Morning Videos: Club Tropicana

How did I miss this? Shag

I Love Sororities.

Annette Funicello…Gone to That Beach Blanket in the Sky

Where did I put that thing?

What just happened?

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