Category Archives: Miscellany

10 Slumber Party Movie Characters Who Inspire Me

Dottie and Alix over at always have terrific blog ideas, and since I have no inspiration this week for a Friday Morning Video, I’m going to steal spin-off their 15 Characters That Inspired Me idea, Slumber Party Movies-style. This is by no means a complete list.

1. Stef from The Goonies

God put that rock there for a purpose, Brand.

God put that rock there for a purpose, Brand.

Stef wore glasses, had short choppy blonde hair, and her BFF was the prettiest girl in school. She managed to mostly keep her cool, even after losing her glasses–I had nightmares about losing my glasses, literally–and in the end, got the funny guy in the Purple Rain t-shirt. Who wouldn’t call that a win?

2.  Julie from American Anthem

No, I will not dance to Swiss-style lederhosen music.

No, I will not dance to Swiss-style lederhosen music.

She was a gymnast who broke the mold and danced to her crippled friend’s synthesized symphony, and then had gymnastic sex with Mitch fucking Gaylord.  I took acrobatics because of her. Until I hyperextended my elbow mid back-limber and said screw this, I’m done. What do you want? We can’t all be Becky Cameron.

3. Sara from Labyrinth

Jareth said WHAT?

Jareth said WHAT?

She’s a bratty teenager who sees her parents as abusive because they ask her to babysit when she doesn’t have other plans. But she also lives in a fantasy world where she’s a warrior princess, rescuing said baby brother from an overfamiliar Goblin King with a crush on her. It’s no secret: part of the reason I had children was so that I could pretend, again, that I’m also a warrior princess.

4. Jan Brady

How DOES she do her tendrils?

How DOES she do her tendrils?

I was a middle child who imagined myself to be far more persecuted than I actually was. Plus, I had short hair and was desperate for long hair. That’s pretty much it.

5. Blair from The Facts of Life

Blair, before she found Jesus.

Blair, before she found Jesus.

Yeah, I know. We’re all supposed to like Jo best, because Blair was a rich bitch with too many clothes and too much hair, and she’s also kind of mean. But she had a lot of clothes, and a lot of hair, and she was also kind of mean.

6. Louise from Teen Witch

She likes boys.

She likes boys.

By the time 1989 rolled around, I was 14 and feeling the impact of being the nerdy one in school. Then along comes Louise, who, it turns out, comes from a long line of witches, and can wish herself into being popular AND getting Dan Gauthier, plus she magicks her spunky BFF into SPM rap history.

Which brings me to Inspiration #6.5: the BFF. Look at how funky she is.

7. Jordan from Real Genius

Meet me, if I were an even bigger geek.

Meet me, if I were an even bigger geek.

Nearly every time I’ve watched this movie with someone, they’ve stopped midway through Jordan’s introduction, looked at me, and said, “She is SO you.” Well, sure she is. Except she’s twice as brilliant as I am (and that’s saying something), much better at building things, and can knit. Like, really, really well.

8. Lisa from Weird Science

She'll kick your ass, Al.

She’ll kick your ass, Al.

I’m not even justifying this with an explanation. But here’s one, in case you require one.

9. Lynn from Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Don't bother her when she's watching DTV.

Don’t bother her when she’s watching DTV.

Best BFF ever. Cute, funny, sassy, and she has a reversible fuzzy Velcroed Catholic schoolgirl kilt. And a grasshopper hat. And dinosaur barrettes. Will someone bring back dinosaur barrettes, please?

10.  Billie Jean from The Legend of Billie Jean

Say it with me: Fair is fair!

Say it with me: Fair is fair!

Billie Jean kidnaps adorable geeks, defends her brother, denies an overgrown slug sexual advances, and inspires a nationwide movement to stand up for yourself. We could use some Billie Jeans these days.

That’s the start of my list. Add yours in the comments.


Kermit’s response to someone who is 100% Wrong, and won’t shut up about it.

There are tons of people on the interwebs who are wrong and will not STFU about it. Or as I call them, jerkwads. But, is it just me, or have they been even wronger lately? I think they have. Especially the people who make up facts about Hitler so they can compare him to Obama. They are just so verbose and so, so wrong. It reminded me of the scene between late great Peter Falk and Kermit in The Great Muppet Caper. A lot of jerkwads are wrong, but if they sit on your park bench and get in your face about it, just send them this video.


Jeff Goldblumism #4567

Lerlenes*! There were lots of happy Christmas posts I was planning for you before the entire world got horribly sad. By the way, stop posting pictures of Santa crying. It’s not helping. Speaking of helping…here I am with a Goldblumism for anyone who is waging a battle on Facebook right now.

Oh, I’m just not ready for a full-on Big Chill post. Sorry. When that movie came out I was barely a teenager. It was about old people and old people problems. Now I am seven years older than the characters in that movie. (Except for Jennifer Tilly’s character of course.) I’m going to need one hell of a rationalization to get through that!

*When I picture my audience, there are four of you and you are all named Lerlene.

Trapped by “Trapped in the Closet”

Does R. Kelly’s epic “Trapped in the Closet” series count as a slumber party movie? I think it does, when IFC runs them all in a row. So I’ll share my Storified live tweet:

Trapped, Part 3: The live tweetfest · Storify.

My favorite character is Pimp Lucius, for reasons both outlined in the Storify and demonstrated in this video.

Somebody grab Lucille and turn her ass around, would you?

Special Tuesday Morning Rock the Vote Video

Anyone who is thinking of not voting, should watch this video all the way to the end. Thirty-five-ish year old Madonna is going to do bad things to you, you naughty, naughty non-voter. It should be noted, however, this video should not be watched by anyone who is still jealous of all the adorable young, flexible gay men who flocked to the Queen of Peen. This will just make you retro-actively angry.

Watch this one if the Madonna one was too “thinky” for you.

Watch this one if you are nostalgic for either those Schoolhouse Rock bits or the 08 election.

Watch this one if you are nostalgic for Madge’s old fake accent.


I didn’t raise you to be a cheerleader!

I’m going to sleep with truck drivers and get crabs.

Holy cow, the 1980s were rad. Witness parody movies like Student Bodies and Pandemonium. No, really, witness it.

Edit, Oct. 9: Embedded video.

The Second Best Translating Bit in The History of the Comedy

Well of course we all know what number one is. I mean, come on! How do you beat June Cleaver saying, “Jus’ hang loose, blood?” You don’t. Ever.

But you have to come close with this little gem from the movie Bananas. This was back in 1971, when Woody Allen was known simply as Woody, and not Woody “but she’s over 18” Allen. Back when he could put on a silly fake beard and get a laugh.

Sharp dressed man.

It’s one of those classic Woody bits that makes you laugh, then makes you feel stupid for laughing, and then makes you laugh again. I guess it’s just something about those  men in the white coats flying in with their nets at the end that make us think the joke has been on us the whole time…and it’s a pretty damn funny joke at that.



The White Nights/James Bond connection

This is for those of you who noticed something oddly familiar about the creepy KGB guy who was spying on Greggy and Mikhail’s bromantic dance routine in the video clip I posted yesterday. This clip is from one of the many James Bond movies that can be be considered a Slumber Party movie, Never Say Never Again (hint: most of them were made in the 80s). I think you’ll find it even creepier than the White Nights one because, really, when you’re jazzercizing with your gay bff in matching unitards and leg warmers, the last thing you want on the other side of the two-way mirror is a blonde guy with an even blonder face mole and bunch of surveillance equipment. A minute and fifteen minutes or pure ick. Enjoy!


Tuesday Tribute to Gregory Hines–White Nights dance break edition

If you are one of my friends, I’ve already forced you to watch this many times–Clockwork Orange style. If you aren’t, you probably aren’t reading this blog. Just in case you are, this is a reminder that no one has moves like Gregory Hines…even Mikhail. It’s also a reminder that we should all dance like no one is watching…except a creepy KGB agent with a closed-circuit spy cam and a two-way mirror. (Can I get that printed on a t-shirt?) Oh…and watch at 1:42 for a sweet fight dance into jazz run combo that will make you glad you stumbled onto this blog.

Tribute to Gregory Hines: Part 2 of 19,456

I know. I know. I didn’t write a Tuesday Tribute, but it’s not that I forgot, it’s just that I wanted to pay tribute to Gregory Hines, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to pay tribute to White Nights or Running Scared. I’ve come up with a solution. This week: Running Scared. Next week: White Nights. That’s right. Two Gregory Hines posts in as many weeks. What’s wrong with that? Who the eff are you? The Gregory Hines police? You know there’s no such thing, right? Idiot.

You’ve been served!


Hines style!










Just kidding. I got the idea to pay tribute to Mr Hines when Sonia, of The Sonia Show, blogged about that awkward moment when an urbanite wonders what the hell everyone is looking at, and an islander rolls her eyes and says, “It’s the sunset, stupid!” Which of course made me think of the second most bromantic Gregory Hines movie ever made (come back in one week for the most bromantic one…I bet you can’t guess what it is), the 1986 buddy-cop movie, Running Scared, starring Billy Crystal and Hines as Chicago Cops who get tired of the snow and bullets and decide to retire to Key West, Fl. About 12 years ago, I got tired of the snow and bullets and snow in New Hampshire and did pretty much the same thing. I chose Key West because I’d heard that it was THE place for writers to go and write. I soon learned that it was THE place for writers to bartend and drink. Still, I never once took that sunset for granted. This video doesn’t do it justice, though. It does do Gregory Hines justice…he spends most of it sporting a banana hammock. WHAT?! … Stupid Gregory Hines Police. Still no such thing…grumble….

Oh…and in this one, watch the late great Gregory celebrate a three-pointer in a way that should make all of humanity weep for our loss. (Extra bonus points, at the end, when Billy Crystal is doing his miniature-marshmallow-and-Jeopardy-enthusiast-living-in-his-mom’s-basement routine, he mentions Detective Montoya. Detective Tony Montoya is played by Slumber Party icon, Jon Gries. Yeah, THAT Jon Gries.)