Author Archives: shindancer

Charles Durning Slumber Party Movie Giant. RIP

Posted on December 26, 2012 | Leave a comment

That’s right. I said it, and I don’t regret it. Don’t believe me? Here’s a video of the dear departed Durning hat dancing in the back of a limo. Suck on that, non-believers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJG75FJkjr8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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Posted in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Tribute

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Video

Jeff Goldblumism #4567

Lerlenes*! There were lots of happy Christmas posts I was planning for you before the entire world got horribly sad. By the way, stop posting pictures of Santa crying. It’s not helping. Speaking of helping…here I am with a Goldblumism for anyone who is waging a battle on Facebook right now.

Oh, I’m just not ready for a full-on Big Chill post. Sorry. When that movie came out I was barely a teenager. It was about old people and old people problems. Now I am seven years older than the characters in that movie. (Except for Jennifer Tilly’s character of course.) I’m going to need one hell of a rationalization to get through that!

*When I picture my audience, there are four of you and you are all named Lerlene.

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Posted on December 21, 2012 in Miscellany

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Birthday Tribute. Nia Peeples

Posted on December 10, 2012 | 2 comments

Happy December 10th! Today is my birthday, but I didn’t even need to click on over to the Dlisted Birthday Sluts to know who my top sluts were. No! Not that slut Kenneth Branaugh. He barely cracks the top five. He falls somewhere between Raven Symone and Meg White. Susan Dey is my number two slut because she is pretty and because she was so bad on The Partridge Family that I kind of worship her for it. How did she stay employed? She barely knew her lines.

Nia "Bangs" Peeples straddles a chair like a boss.

Nia “Bangs” Peeples straddles a chair like a boss.

But, sorry Susan, My number one birthday slut is, and has been since 1984, Miss Nia Peeples. Nia Peeples. She was on Fame. No. Not the movie. The TV show. It was like Glee, but with less money. Here watch:

Click Here, Sluts!

Click Here, Sluts!

First of all, no one rocked a high-cut leotard with a wide belt like Nia. Second, I take it back. Fame was not Glee. It was better than Glee. Glee uses real songs by real professionals. These kids had to shake their leg warmers to original songs written by an eighth grade music class they kept chained in the supply closet at the studio. And they had to make it look good. Not easy.

I know what you’re wondering. You are wondering whatever happened to Nia Peeples. … Because you are stupid. Come on! What do you think happened to her? She’s on a stupid basic cable drama and she’s still hot. Check it.

Oh please, girl. You aren't fit to carry my satin duffle bag.

Back off, beyatch. You aren’t fit to carry my satin duffle bag.

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Posted in Birthday Tribute, Fame, Life at The Slumber Party

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My Favorite Christmas Movie is About a Prostitution Ring in a Morgue

Posted on December 9, 2012 | 2 comments

…And that’s the truth, and not just a ploy to get a hit off every Google search ever (but I’m on my way!).

Night Shift is an 80s comedy starring Henry Winkler, Micheal Keaton and Shelley Long and set in New York in December. And it is Christmasy!

Wow! I can't believe I'll be giving a hand job at a swank joint like this!

Wow! I can’t believe I’ll be giving a hand job at a swank joint like this!

Very, very Christmasy, but in a pants-off kind of way.

Aren't you cold? No! I've got a baked potato in my pants. Wait.... Where are my pants?

Aren’t you cold? No! I’ve got a baked potato in my pants. Wait…. Where are my pants?

It’s about a wild and crazy satin-jacket-wearing guy named Bill who makes it his mission in life to make a man out of fellow morgue employee, Chuck. He pulls this off with a massive prostitution ring, keggers, hookers, booze, weed, sex clubs, fist fights, shoot outs, threatened prison rape, the Rolling Stones and erratic driving.

Can you hear this?

Can you hear this?

I know it sounds complicated, but it is actually quite simple. Here. I’ll let Bill explain it.

Got it? Anyways…so our Chuck and Bill run a successful prostitution ring out of a morgue, Chuck becomes a man, and at Christmas time, all the prostitutes pool their hooking money together and they buy Chuck a sweet pimp hat.

Merry Christmas Meester Chuck!

Does this hat make me look pimpy enough?

 

I know it all seems strange, but you need to understand one thing. It was the 80s. How 80s? It was 82. We didn’t give a shit. The trailer that advertised this movie featured Shelley Long smoking an enormous roach.

Be honest. Do you think this will ruin my career?

Be honest. Do you think this will ruin my career?

 

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Posted in Holiday, Night Shift, Wait...Did That Really Happen?

Wait. Did that really happen? Cold War edition part 1.

Posted on November 17, 2012 | Leave a comment

I know that in the 80s and even the 90s it was considered bad form for someone who was not KD Lang to be out, loud and proud in Music Video form, but really? Did Elton John really make a video where the cold war-torn, tragically romantic  couple looked like this:

The Dashing Foreigner in The Be-Ribboned Tap Dancer’s Hat.

A Beautiful Model/Border Crossing Guard Who Was Born Female.

Yes. It happened. Other things that happen in this video for some reason: Elton and Nikita go bowling. Elton wears many different caftans and tap dancer’s hats. Elton and Nikita slow dance at a weird European disco. They play chess. They watch a football game while Elton is wearing comically over-sized boots.

Horrific. You can watch it if you want, or you can just pretend that the video’s star-crossed lovers are these two lookers…and all will be right with the world.

Ah! Elton and Bruno! Isn’t that much better?

No? Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Posted in Wait...Did That Really Happen?

Grease v Grease 2. Smackdown.

Posted on November 13, 2012 | 8 comments

Okay, for once and for all let’s answer the question none of us are asking. Which is better? Grease or Grease 2?

Both were set at Rydell High. A school run by an adorable, long-term same sex couple.

Still going strong!

Both had T-Birds and Pink Ladies.

We are way tough. We’re wearing leather!

Poodle Skirt Pyramid!

Both had Balmudo.

So…is my nickname Ball? Or…just wondering.

Who ever said Grease is good for your skin lied!

And Eugene.

Hi!

Both had Frenchy but in Grease, she ruined her hair by dying it pink. In Grease 2, she pretended she meant to do that.

Help me Teen Angel! I look like Strawberry Shortcake.

Wow, Frenchy. You look like Strawberry Shortcake! … I know!

Advantage: Grease

Grease brought back Frankie Avalon, Sid Caesar and Joan Blondell.

Holy crap! Am I playing a waitress? But…I’m Joan Blondell!

Grease 2 Brought back Connie Stevens and Tab Hunter.

Is this really our first movie together?

Advantage: Grease

Grease introduced us to Lorenzo Lamas.

Really? I was in this movie? And I was blonde? Weird.

Grease 2 introduced us to Michelle Pfeiffer.

This is what I did for my audition.

Advantage Grease 2.

Grease had Stockard Channing.

Come on! Who could out sexy sass me? Wink.

Grease 2 had Lorna Luft.

Could it be me? Maybe? Flutter.

Slight advantage to Grease.

Grease had Greased Lightning.

It might not look like it, but this song is DIRTY!

Grease had Michelle Pfeiffer on a ladder.

This song is waaaaay less dirty than it looks.

Advantage Grease.

Grease had a slumber party.

This is what girls do if there are no boys around after 10 pm.

Grease 2 went bowling.

This is what they do when the boys are still around after 10 pm.

Hmm…Grease had Jan and her toothbrush, but Grease 2 had Lorna and her gold pants.

Tie.

Grease had Thunder Road.

Actual deadly danger.

Grease 2 had a choreographed motorcycle fight.

Who are those guys?

Advantage: Grease 2

Grease had backseat sex.

Oh Sandy!

Grease 2 attempted sex in a bomb shelter.

Your mother don’t even have to know about it.

Advantage: Grease 2

Grease had a Big Dance Contest.

Should have worn skin tight leather, Sandy.

Grease 2 prepared for the Big Talent Show.

You’re doing Mr. Sandman?! I was going to do that song, bitch!

Advantage Grease 2…because of the Girl for All Seasons Song. Suck it, hand jive!

Grease had a fat girl who was not fat.

Yep. That’s right. The girl on the right. In the green. The fat girl.

Grease 2 had a girl with an actual big nose.

Yes! Bringing Barbara realness in pink satin.

Advantage Grease 2.

Grease had Teen Angel.

Teen my ass!

Grease 2 had fake, Dead Michael.

Am I dead? Or just a figment of your crazy imagination?

Advantage Grease

Grease had this psychotic break.

Is heaven a hair salon?

Grease 2 had this one.

Um…hello! Stephanie! You were supposed to be singing A Girl for All Seasons. I’m dressed like a frigging tree.

Advantage Grease

Grease had a pretty Aussie who needed a  make-over to seem tougher.

I’m sorry. Did you just say stud?

So did Grease 2.

So pretty, mate!

Advantage Grease

Grease had a pregnancy scare.

I’m not knocked up.

Grease 2 had a statutory rape scare.

Dude! She’s 12.

Oh, but so did Grease.

Dude! She’s 16.

Who won? I’ll let you decide, but…just remember.

Grease ended at The Carnival!

Let’s get those Grease 2 punks.

Grease 2 ended at The Luau!

Let’s do this thing! I’ve got a tiki torch.

8 Comments

Posted in Grease, Grease 2, Thunderdome

Special Tuesday Morning Rock the Vote Video

Posted on November 6, 2012 | 1 comment

Anyone who is thinking of not voting, should watch this video all the way to the end. Thirty-five-ish year old Madonna is going to do bad things to you, you naughty, naughty non-voter. It should be noted, however, this video should not be watched by anyone who is still jealous of all the adorable young, flexible gay men who flocked to the Queen of Peen. This will just make you retro-actively angry.

Watch this one if the Madonna one was too “thinky” for you.

Watch this one if you are nostalgic for either those Schoolhouse Rock bits or the 08 election.

Watch this one if you are nostalgic for Madge’s old fake accent.

 

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Posted in Miscellany

Back Before We Could Watch a Werewolf Transform. (It wasn’t that long ago.)

Posted on October 31, 2012 | 1 comment

For the love of Zombie Choreography! How could I post anything but Thriller on Halloween? This was groundbreaking stuff. Dancing Zombies, moving make-up, Vincent Price saying “y’alls”. It all started when The King of Pop went to see an American Werewolf in London and decided that he liked it  and wanted his next video to resemble it. So he called up the director, John Landis, and asked him what he was doing.

He’s not like other guys.

 

AWiL was groundbreaking itself because before 1981 movies did not actually show the werewolf transformation. You would see a guy acting like red hot hair follicles were about to burst out of his face, then he stepped behind a curtain or something and when stepped out, he was much hairier. Then he covered his face and screamed. This scared a passing squirrel so completely that the camera guy just had to cut away from the werewolf action to get a close-up of the horrified look on the little nut-nibbler’s furry little face. By the time he cut back, the terrifyingly hirsute transformation was complete, and the man-beast was celebrating with an arched-backed howl straight at the moon that started all this trouble to begin with.

Landis saw this whole hide-and-seek werewolf thing as a big problemwhen it came to suspension of disbelief, so he created a new kind of Werewolf transformation make-up. If you know how a squib works…you’ve got a basic idea. I know what you kids are thinking…why didn’t they just use CGI? Because, youngster, there was no CGI in 1981. That’s right. And before Landis came along, we had to pretend that werewolf transformations didn’t look stupid, but they really did…especially what with the frightened squirrel thing…and we liked it. No. Wait. We didn’t like it.

Speaking of not liking things…now that you can have real-time, non-squirrel-assisted werewolf transformations, where the heck are all your werewolf movies? And no, Wolverine does not count. Bah! Ungrateful kids! Just watch this video, and maybe I’ll tell you how Ola Ray got her pants so tight. (Hint–squibs were also used.)

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Posted in Friday Morning Videos, halloween

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Friday Morning Videos Almost Halloween Edition

Posted on October 19, 2012 | 1 comment

The guy in the baby Stewie costume has been waiting for his Butterfinger for like 20 minutes.

Halloween is almost here, and what could be a more perfect Friday Morning Video than Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me? It has zombies, haunted paintings, dogs in masks, a dude who showers while wearing a towel and enough old-school Halloween decorations to make that one guy on your block who goes over-board every year and end up scaring the crap out of a bunch of small children super jealous. Not enough? Oh come on. This song is a classic…and just so weird in a Scooby-Doo Halloween special kind of way. At one point Rockwell sings in an affected accent that is surely meant to be Bela Lugosi. Or possibly Lou Costello. He blames his paranoia on Alfred Hitchcock*, and the IRS. What? Michael Jackson’s Thriller? A bit on the nose, don’t you think? Besides, who do you think that golden throated soulster singing to-the-front back-up on this track? Which leads me to the best part of this song. The story. I used to think that Rockwell was able to get Michael Jackson because his father was Berry Gordy, but then I read this from the song’s Wikipedia page:

At the time of the recording Rockwell was estranged from his father and living with Ray Singleton, his father’s ex-wife. Singleton served as executive producer on the project and would occasionally play some demo tracks to Berry Gordy. The elder Gordy was less than enthusiastic about Rockwell’s music until he heard the single with a familiar voice featured prominently on background vocals

Holy crap! If that story is true, I feel so bad for Rockwell. And that is why I say, “Back off with your Michael Jackson talk. It’s Rockwell’s turn to shine.”

 

* Rockwell included several nods to The Master. Can you spot them…before it’s too lat?! Mwa ha ha! Just kidding. Take your time.

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Posted in Friday Morning Videos

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Under the Rainbow…Wait. What?

Posted on October 7, 2012 | 1 comment

A six-foot rabbit in a hat has nothing on this.

Was there really a period piece starring Carrie Fisher and Chevy Chase, set in 1930s Hollywood and revolving around the munchkin auditions for Wizard of Oz? And did it really culminate with Billy Barty, as a womanizing Nazi, being chased by a crowd of little people through the set of Gone With the Wind? Or was that just a flashback to some bad acid we did at a Phish back in the early 90s. Well, … I … erm … I’m not sure. Those Phish heads had some seriously mind-bending sh#t. So I’m probably to wrong person to ask. Here, look at this video and tell me if you see it too.

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Posted in Wait...Did That Really Happen?