Verbatim transcript of a recent imaginary conversation:
Jody: Can you make me some McConnelling videos, please?
Me: No. Sorry. I’ve told you I don’t do porn. … Anymore.
Jody: It’s not porn, it’s adding different music to McConnell’s campaign ad.
Me: Who is McConnell? Is he the geeky little brother in Making the Grade?
Jody: No. He’s a politician.
Me: Is he a much older, married boyfriend in St. Elmo’s Fire?
Jody: He’s a real person.
Me: A wha?
Jody: Never mind. Look. I have the flu. I feel like I’m dying. This will make me feel better. … Just do it.
Me: Fine, but only because you’ll be dead soon.
Jody: I said I feel like I’m dying…never mind. Here’s a list of songs.
Red Tiki: Hold up! Can you also do The Chauffeur?
Me: Maybe. If you’re lucky.
Me: Wait! What if I use an old Gilda Radner sketch. That would be funny right?