I was in the mood for Duran Duran during bathtime last night, Arena-style (the greatest live album ever; if you don’t agree with me, you’ve never listened to the transition between “The Chauffeur” and “The Seventh Stranger”), and as we all know, it kicks off with this perfect concert opener. Duran Duran is begging you: please, please: do you love them? How much?
The answer, of course, is a lot.
This is a gem of a video in a library of great videos–it’s Duran Duran, after all, and they did videos up right. I don’t need to mention the hair (swoopy) or the makeup (perfect) or John’s cheekbones (swoopily perfect), so let’s just skip to the part where Simon’s a flea, walking across a dog’s back, and wonder: what?
- Lots of children and babies. I don’t remember them being in the video, but watching it now, I wonder: Why didn’t they give Simon a baby to hold? Were they worried he’d drop it during a dance move? Did it not fit the milieu of the video? Or did they know that Simon Le Bon + Baby would instantaneously send thousands of viewers into spontaneous ovulation?
- Derby hats.
- Lumberjacks in derby hats.
- Giant steps.
- Split screens.
I count five scenes from previous Duran Duran videos–how many can you find? Here’s a hint for one.
Lastly, and certainly not least: “You’re about as easy as a nuclear war.” Those of you who understand, understand. Those of you who don’t, perhaps never will, but can try. This moment is the secret handshake of SlumberPartyMovies.com; when I performed this song in karaoke 20 years post-video, I performed the secret handshake and watched as the other writers of this blog performed it, as well, thus guaranteeing that a decade later, though we live 1,500 miles apart, we’re still singing about Duran Duran together.
If you already know “You’re about as easy as a nuclear war,” you may continue reading SlumberPartyMovies.com. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you must buy “Decade” immediately, watch it five times this weekend, including all four versions of “New Moon on Monday,” whilst drinking Bartles & James and eating Likem Stix, and then write an essay of apology to me and the rest of us Lerlines here at SPM.
I’m not going to be easy on you.