It’s Spiegelmama’s birthday and this post is for her! Back when we were teens, we had this thing called a record player. It played large scratchy discs called records. They looked like dinner plates, only blacker and noisier. Our two favorites were Queen’s Greatest Hits and The Rocky Horror Picture Show Say it which featured audience participation from a thickly accented, well-seasoned New York audience.
This picture is dedicated to anyone who got their cherry popped by Sal.
We listened to it forwards and backwards (and then stuck to forwards because if you play Rocky Horror backwards all you get is a recipe for ham and tuna casserole). We learned when to yell “Where’s your neck?” “Work that bird!” and “Describe your balls!” Important life lessons for a couple of Jr. High School kids in New Hampshire, for sure.
One of the best bits was at the end, when Rif-Raf condemns Frank through song, and one voice rings out from the 8th Street Playhouse in New York to a scratchy record player in Nashua, asking, “Can you explain.”Then when Tim Curry contritely and breathlessly delivers the line, “I can explain.” The voice rings out again with “This better be good. You got shot the last time.”
Prepare the transit beam, Mother.
You’ll find the scene here at 3:55…without audience participation, but it plays in my head, and Spiegelmama’s as well.
Dottie and Alix over at ModernKiddo.com always have terrific blog ideas, and since I have no inspiration this week for a Friday Morning Video, I’m going to steal spin-off their 15 Characters That Inspired Me idea, Slumber Party Movies-style. This is by no means a complete list.
1. Stef from The Goonies
God put that rock there for a purpose, Brand.
Stef wore glasses, had short choppy blonde hair, and her BFF was the prettiest girl in school. She managed to mostly keep her cool, even after losing her glasses–I had nightmares about losing my glasses, literally–and in the end, got the funny guy in the Purple Rain t-shirt. Who wouldn’t call that a win?
2. Julie from American Anthem
No, I will not dance to Swiss-style lederhosen music.
She was a gymnast who broke the mold and danced to her crippled friend’s synthesized symphony, and then had gymnastic sex with Mitch fucking Gaylord. I took acrobatics because of her. Until I hyperextended my elbow mid back-limber and said screw this, I’m done. What do you want? We can’t all be Becky Cameron.
3. Sara from Labyrinth
Jareth said WHAT?
She’s a bratty teenager who sees her parents as abusive because they ask her to babysit when she doesn’t have other plans. But she also lives in a fantasy world where she’s a warrior princess, rescuing said baby brother from an overfamiliar Goblin King with a crush on her. It’s no secret: part of the reason I had children was so that I could pretend, again, that I’m also a warrior princess.
4. Jan Brady
How DOES she do her tendrils?
I was a middle child who imagined myself to be far more persecuted than I actually was. Plus, I had short hair and was desperate for long hair. That’s pretty much it.
5. Blair from The Facts of Life
Blair, before she found Jesus.
Yeah, I know. We’re all supposed to like Jo best, because Blair was a rich bitch with too many clothes and too much hair, and she’s also kind of mean. But she had a lot of clothes, and a lot of hair, and she was also kind of mean.
6. Louise from Teen Witch
She likes boys.
By the time 1989 rolled around, I was 14 and feeling the impact of being the nerdy one in school. Then along comes Louise, who, it turns out, comes from a long line of witches, and can wish herself into being popular AND getting Dan Gauthier, plus she magicks her spunky BFF into SPM rap history.
Which brings me to Inspiration #6.5: the BFF. Look at how funky she is.
7. Jordan from Real Genius
Meet me, if I were an even bigger geek.
Nearly every time I’ve watched this movie with someone, they’ve stopped midway through Jordan’s introduction, looked at me, and said, “She is SO you.” Well, sure she is. Except she’s twice as brilliant as I am (and that’s saying something), much better at building things, and can knit. Like, really, really well.
8. Lisa from Weird Science
She’ll kick your ass, Al.
I’m not even justifying this with an explanation. But here’s one, in case you require one.
9. Lynn from Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Don’t bother her when she’s watching DTV.
Best BFF ever. Cute, funny, sassy, and she has a reversible fuzzy Velcroed Catholic schoolgirl kilt. And a grasshopper hat. And dinosaur barrettes. Will someone bring back dinosaur barrettes, please?
10. Billie Jean from The Legend of Billie Jean
Say it with me: Fair is fair!
Billie Jean kidnaps adorable geeks, defends her brother, denies an overgrown slug sexual advances, and inspires a nationwide movement to stand up for yourself. We could use some Billie Jeans these days.
That’s the start of my list. Add yours in the comments.
But only if you want to get alcohol poisoning, because, up the pole or not, Irish ladies can knock ’em back.
Have another rum and coke, preggo!
Of course I realize that when one thinks of movies based on Roddy Doyle novels, they think of The Commitments, and so do I, but I also think of the second movie in his Barrytown trilogy The Snapper (and to a lesser extent, the third movie, The Van, which I’ll save for another post).
I think of it so often, that when I was pregnant with my now nearly-seven-year-old daughter, I referred to her fetus self as Snappy (a nickname that is still occasionally busted out). Also, I thought of my pregnancy in terms of the stages of Sharon’s pregnancy–as in oh, I’m in the “Just remembered who the father is” trimester. Of course, I knew who the father was (spoiler alert: he was not a Spanish sailor), and I did not drink because I saw The Snapper as a bit of a cautionary tale, warning young preggos to keep it sober lest they end up in labor on a rainy street corner with puke in their purse, waiting on a drunk friend to hail a cab…or worse they could name the baby after that date-raping slab of Irish Cheddar, George Burgess (pronounced BORgess).
Taxi! Drunk lady in labor!
The funny thing is that this was not the main point of the movie. Sure, maybe our protagonist with the protruding belly would not have gotten up-the-pole to begin with if she had “taken it easy”, but all is well that ends well…with a black purse as the film’s only casualty.
Here’s a tip. Next time puke in someone else’s purse.
During the course of Sharon’s shameful pregnancy, she ends up getting closer to her father, Dessie, and he, as a direct result of learning more about the female reproductive system, greatly improves his sex life with his wife, Kay. Most astonishing (to an American audience), the baby is born healthy and not looking like something you might find bursting out of John Hurt’s chest.
Speaking of audiences in The States, watch this video and try to imagine how this scene would play out in an American movie. Please note the audience’s reaction to her performance, as well as her parent’s reaction to her state the next morning.
Yesterday was my youngest daughter’s birthday–the little peanut’s two!–and so today I wanted to share a birthday scene. I could’ve gone with “Sixteen Candles,” or any number of other teen party scenes, but this was the first thing that came to mind: Cowboy Gil from Parenthood (the 1989 version, not the Gilmore Girls version).
It has a number of things going for it:
Steve Martin in bathmat chaps.
Steve Martin describing slipping in a dead cowboy’s guts to seven-year-olds.
Steve Martin.
Really, though, the best part of this scene is that, to me, it perfectly demonstrates how feeling silly is its own parental reward.
I couldn’t find the whole clip ANYWHERE on YouTube, so I have to send you over to a site called AnyClip. They won’t let me embed the clip, and it doesn’t show all the balloon animals, or him riding away on a horse, leaping over the neighbor’s shrubbery. But next time this is on cable, catch the whole movie. It’s worth watching for this scene and to see Keanu Reeves ask Dianne Wiest if she knows what a boner is.
I was in the mood for Duran Duran during bathtime last night, Arena-style (the greatest live album ever; if you don’t agree with me, you’ve never listened to the transition between “The Chauffeur” and “The Seventh Stranger”), and as we all know, it kicks off with this perfect concert opener. Duran Duran is begging you: please, please: do you love them? How much?
The answer, of course, is a lot.
This is a gem of a video in a library of great videos–it’s Duran Duran, after all, and they did videos up right. I don’t need to mention the hair (swoopy) or the makeup (perfect) or John’s cheekbones (swoopily perfect), so let’s just skip to the part where Simon’s a flea, walking across a dog’s back, and wonder: what?
Lots of children and babies. I don’t remember them being in the video, but watching it now, I wonder: Why didn’t they give Simon a baby to hold? Were they worried he’d drop it during a dance move? Did it not fit the milieu of the video? Or did they know that Simon Le Bon + Baby would instantaneously send thousands of viewers into spontaneous ovulation?
Derby hats.
Lumberjacks in derby hats.
Cheerleaders.
Giant steps.
Split screens.
I count five scenes from previous Duran Duran videos–how many can you find? Here’s a hint for one.
Lastly, and certainly not least: “You’re about as easy as a nuclear war.” Those of you who understand, understand. Those of you who don’t, perhaps never will, but can try. This moment is the secret handshake of SlumberPartyMovies.com; when I performed this song in karaoke 20 years post-video, I performed the secret handshake and watched as the other writers of this blog performed it, as well, thus guaranteeing that a decade later, though we live 1,500 miles apart, we’re still singing about Duran Duran together.
If you already know “You’re about as easy as a nuclear war,” you may continue reading SlumberPartyMovies.com. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you must buy “Decade” immediately, watch it five times this weekend, including all four versions of “New Moon on Monday,” whilst drinking Bartles & James and eating Likem Stix, and then write an essay of apology to me and the rest of us Lerlines here at SPM.
slumber party movies 
