Poor Jody! I hear your SOS and respond with Janet Jackson’s best video ever. What? F#$k right off with whatever sub-par Janet video has just popped into your head! I’m talking about Alright. No. Shut up. Stop arguing. I’m going to list the top 6 (out of a million) reasons that this video is the best Janet Jackson video, and possibly the best music video, that has ever been or ever will be.
6. Janet is every bit Michael’s little sister in this video. Check out her moves. Go on. Check them. And then get back to me.
5. She’s wearing a zoot suit. That’s right! A Z to the O Oot suit!
4. Not one dime of the video’s budget was used for CGI. It was all spent on a spectacularly swell 30s street set that is more detailed than most big Hollywood period pieces. (In your FACE, Cotton Club!)
3. Those details! Adorably retro and totally rad. Watch for a candy-colored baby carriage brigade, an old-school street washer and a camera shop facade so frivolously intricate, it’ll make you want to actually develop some film.
2. A sixty-something Cyd Charisse showing Janet how to do a fan kick. Janet can’t quite get her legs that high, but she has the good sense to appear appropriately reverent. Good going, Janet!
1. Cab EMM EFFING Calloway! In a yellow zoot suit. Yellow! Zoot! Suit! And yeah. He’s in his 80s in this video.
See? You see why you were wrong? Uh huh. Don’t ever doubt me again.